The Apple Keynote Drinking Game
Note: This article was published while I was in my early 20s. I was much younger and dumber. Please don't hold it against me. One of the perils of having a 20+ year old website!
The time is once again upon us: Apple is presumably announcing a new iPhone for people to clamor over, then spend all of their money on. This year, I’ve decided there should be a drinking game, so here are the rules:
Take a sip if:
- You hear, “It just works”
- You hear, “Smooth”
- They tell us about a feature we already knew about from the rumor mill
- You hear, “Retina”
- Someone you know gets excited about a feature that already existed on Android
- They list some stat that can really only apply to Apple products
Take a gulp if:
- Something old is presented as new and revolutionary (like Copy and Paste, or notifications).
- They announce something that forces you to buy new accessories
- They take a jab at Android or any other competitor
- They blatantly stole an app and integrated it into the iPhone/iPad.
Finish your drink if:
- You hear, “This is the best iPhone/iPad/Macbook we’ve ever made.”
- Tim Cook comes out dressed as Steve Jobs
- They talk about the Samsung ruling
So, how drunk are you trying to get me?
Based on the rules, you’re guaranteed to finish your drink once (“this is the best…”).
We probably know MOST of the features from the rumor mill (and a bunch more that won’t exist) and people will definitely get excited event though the features are in Android – so probably finish your drink again.
All of the gulps will be true – so probably a third drink finished.
Sounds like you need either an entire keg or a liquor store to get through the keynote… and a week’s vacation time to recover from the hangover.